


The Weight of the World...

by FreyaLionheart



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, they deserve love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25772581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreyaLionheart/pseuds/FreyaLionheart
Summary: The Warrior of Darkness has defeated Hades, but she is still uneasy. Now, she fights a battle within herself to keep her emotions in check and to stop the pressure from crushing her.
Relationships: Warrior of Light/Thancred Waters
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	The Weight of the World...

#  _I don’t like my mind right now..._

* * *

_“If you had the strength to take another step, could you do it?”_

Reika’s eyes popped open in panic with unshed tears. Looking around, she was slightly confused regarding her whereabouts. The last she remembered, she ventured back to Holminster Switch and recalled what she could not save. Thancred had shown up as she sobbed and that was the last she remembered.

After facing Hades, she has been plagued with nightmares. It was those nightmares that caused her to go back. The nightmares never went away. They worsened over time and caused her anxiety to skyrocket. She felt emotionally unstable and with no outlet, it was only a matter of time before she cracked. Before the weight was too much to bear for her. She already felt it. Despite the strong face she tried to project, she knew deep down she couldn’t hold it for long. The tears were getting tougher and tougher to control. The voices haunted her. They called her. They...blamed her. They criticized her.

Some warrior she was.

Reika sniffled quietly and pulled herself out of bed to grab a glass of water. Usually, Ardbert would sit on the small patio and they would hold brief conversations, but no more. He had finally fulfilled the purpose the Oracle told him he had. His smile still warmed her. After all, they had gotten close to each other during her time here. She was the only one that could see him. That hurt her the most. No one else knew he was there.

She had no idea that she would come to be so fond of the Hume Warrior. It bordered on a crush for her. Perhaps that’s why it hurt her so much that she could only see and hear him, but not touch. Often she would feel his touch in her sleep and awake to her tears slightly smudged on her cheeks. He had tried wiping them away, but he could not touch her. His smile brought joy to her in her lonely room and their conversations held finger fondness for one another. She even remembered him musing that maybe things would have been different in another life had they met under normal circumstances. Even in his final moments with her, he still managed to break her.

_He will love you more than I ever could... because he’s physically with you._

Taking a seat at the table in her room, Reika sighed and took a sip of the water. She needed to get her nerves in check before morning. G’raha wished to meet with them regarding a discovery made about their presence in the First. Apparently, they had come across a lead on sending the scions’ souls back to the Source. While Reika had come over with her full body and soul, the others were not so lucky. Their bodies were still in the Source and slowly losing their life force the longer their souls were gone. She rubbed her eyes and stood to open her window. For some reason, she began to feel claustrophobic again.

The _perk_ of being the vaunted Warrior of Darkness…

_I should have died._

She stared out of the window in a daze, wondering why people put so much trust in her. She held the lives of countless people in her hands and one simple mistake would condemn a world to ruin. It was too much to bear on her own, but who could she turn to? The way it was phrased, this was her burden alone to bear for only she could take it. A knock at her door pulled her from her self deprecating thoughts and she sighed, forcing her facial expression to be neutral. The hour of the night did not go unnoticed by her and she wondered just who could be on the other side. Maybe if she stayed quiet, they would go away.

“Rei, I know you’re awake. Please open the door.”

She pressed her lips together in a tight line at the sound of Thancred and ran a hand through her hair. Just what was he doing here? She couldn't deny that she knew his ears picked up movement. Of course he still had his rogue senses. She sighed inwardly and closed her eyes tightly. Gathering her courage, she opened the door slightly and peeked her head out.

“Thancred, what brought you here at this hour?”

The Gunbreaker eyed her carefully before speaking. He knew his presence must have been a shock for her and that she probably wanted to be alone. He just...he couldn't let her cry alone. His eyes never left hers and he ran a hand through his own hair in nervousness. Clearing his throat, he gave her a small smile.

“I just wanted to check on you after earlier. I know it’s rather late but I couldn’t sleep and heard footsteps as I passed by.”

Reika stifled a chuckle as she nodded and opened the door for him. Of course he was worried. She collapsed in his arms crying in Holminster Switch. She never expected him to be the one to find her. It just poured gasoline on the fire of her emotions for the man.

“I’m sorry.”

He eyed her cautiously as she offered him a seat at the table. Nodding, he sat next to her and kept his gaze locked to her. The small Miqo'te looked nervous and he sighed inwardly at her flattened ears. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Would you like-"

“Reika, when will you stop apologizing for your emotions?”

The question startled her and she glanced away, tears threatening to spill. So he did know. Of course he knew. Nothing slipped by him. Nothing except her feelings. Gods, she was such a mess. 

“Thancred, I’ve always put others before me. I’ve always cared more. I’ve failed so much and people still believe. I know I’m not good enough. I couldn’t save the old man who found me. I couldn’t save Tesleen. I couldn’t save the Warriors of Darkness. I couldn’t save...you. I almost lost you to Ran’jit because you told me to run and I listened. I should have stayed with you! You almost _died._ ”

Her body froze as the tears forced themselves out and sniffled as she wrapped her arms around herself. It was all coming out now and she couldn’t stop it. She squeezed herself tightly to try and calm her nerves, but she was too late. Her body ached with the pain of letting everyone down and it hurt. It hurt to remember everything she tried so hard to lock away. Nearly losing Thancred just solidified everything for her and she couldn’t process it. She didn’t know how.

“I’m no good to anyone. I’m no Warrior of Darkness. It should have been me. I should have di—“

The sudden press of his lips silenced her and she widened her eyes. Her tears spilled over as she registered what happened. Her heart was in pieces and she struggled to keep putting it back together on her own without anyone knowing. The pieces were too small. He knew. _He always knew._

He pulled away from her and pressed his forehead against hers. The fear in his hazel eyes proved everything and he gently held her waist. His breath ghosted against her lips as he spoke in a harsh whisper.

“Never finish that sentence.”

Reika pressed her face against his chest and sobbed quietly. She could feel his hand along her back in comforting strokes while the other stayed put on her hip. She couldn’t believe she was crying in his arms for a second time. Everything hurt so much. Her body felt heavy with the weight of two works on her shoulders and she was crumbling under the pressure to be someone she wasn’t sure she could be anymore.

_Hydalen never should have chosen me_

_But then you wouldn’t have met him…_

She hiccuped and lifted her head to meet his gaze. His facial expression had never changed and she tried to blink her tears away. He looked as if he wanted to cry, but he was holding back for her sake. She opened her mouth to speak but when his hand reached up to wipe her tears away, she couldn’t think.

“Please never finish that sentence, Reika. I’m begging you.”

Thancred’s voice was a broken whisper as he held onto her. It was almost as if he were scared that she would vanish and that this was just a dream. He held her tightly out of fear and tried to clear his throat before he spoke again.

“I nearly lost you to the light. I was powerless to do anything except watch the person I love suffer.”

“By the Twelve, Thancred…you...”

His admission sent a shock through her and the tears poured out again. She sobbed into his chest and she clung to him as if he would vanish. The thought of losing him drowned her and she struggled to stay afloat in the turbulent sea of emotions. She felt emotionally overloaded at his words and she gripped the front of his shirt to steady herself. It finally occurred to her that he came to her without his gear. He had been dressed in black pajama like pants and a loose short sleeved shirt. She let his shirt go and tried to put some distance between them.

“I’m sorry I messed up your shirt. I can wash it for you if you want.”

“If you want me to take my shirt off, you can just ask.”

Reika’s face reddened and she stammered out a denial that even she sounded unsure of. His small chuckle made her pout and she folded her arms.

“‘Twas but a jest, Reika. I just wanted to see you smile again.”

Still pouting, she faced him and smiled softly. He always knew how to make her smile even when she didn’t have the strength to. Maybe Ardbert was right about this, but could she do it? Could she let herself find comfort in another? Could she really let her guard down and be vulnerable? Could she be not a warrior, but a woman with feelings?

“Thancred, I—“ Reika fidgeted nervously, eyes focused on any and everything except his face. She couldn’t believe she was about to say something she never thought she would have to say. It was better to tell him now than for things to progress and he got disappointed.

“ThancredIamavirginandIneverdidanythingbefore.” She blurted out, still fidgeting and she covered her face in embarrassment. 

When she heard his footsteps, she felt her heart drop at the rejection and her shoulders sagged. Her ears twitched in confusion because his footsteps didn’t sound far away. They sounded—

“I know my reputation precedes me, but I assure you I am not here for that. I wouldn’t dream of taking advantage of you in your state of distress.”

There it was, the rejection she saw coming despite his words from earlier. She sniffled lightly and wiped her eyes, feeling his hand under her chin. Before she could say anything, he covered her lips with his again and pulled her closer. Her hip came into contact with a bulge in the front of his pants and she blushed as he pulled away from her.

“Your admission changes nothing.” He murmured, “When you’re ready and you find that you do feel the same, I’ll be waiting. At this moment, I want nothing more than to make sure that you are okay. If you need to cry, then cry. I would even spar with you if it made you smile. Your smile is one of the brightest things I’ve ever seen and it has its own gravitational pull. I meant what I said, Reika. It was a roundabout confession, but I care for you greatly and I don’t want to lose the woman I love.”

Reika couldn’t think. His admission was heavier than she wanted it to be and she could have sworn she saw Ardbert in his usual place. She saw him smile and nod before giving her a wave and turning away to vanish.

_It’s okay to love him. Please let yourself love…_

Reika nuzzled his chest and breathed in the scent of sage and citrus before sobbing again. She never thought it would hurt so much. Their Warrior of Darkness, crushed by her own emotional turmoil. Her body shook with grief and fear and it was as if the weight threatened to suffocate her. Everything hurt badly and she was absolutely terrified.

“Please stay,” she sobbed. “Please stay with me tonight.”

She felt his arms wrap around her as his chin rested on the top of her head. For some reason, she felt incredibly safe and warm. She felt protected.

“Okay.”

Reika let him carry her to the bed in the corner and place her under the covers. Once she was settled in, he lay on top of the covers and next to her. He stretched out his arm for her to lay on it and she took his silent offer, nestling beside him.

“Are you uncomfortable, Thancred?” Her voice was small as she shifted next to him.

“Hm. I should be asking you that.”

She smiled softly and moved closer. It was nice to feel protected and wanted. She placed her free hand on his clothed chest and sighed quietly. In her mind, she imagined love to be like this, but she never thought she would experience it. The weight of being the world’s savior finally lifted from her shoulders, if only briefly. 

“I’m happy you’re here with me. Really, I am.”

His even breathing made her realize that he had fallen asleep and she tilted her head to look up at him. His facial expression was peaceful and held no tension. It was soft. It was as if he were at peace with her. There was a small smile on his face and she kissed his cheek before finally drifting into unconsciousness.

Thancred had no idea when he drifted off to sleep, but he ended up under the covers with her face buried in his chest. Pulling back, he tried to get his arm from underneath her and she groaned in protest before rolling over with a purr. His arm was sore, but he was more than okay with that feeling. Watching Reika sleep peacefully made him realize just how much he did love her. 

_I have to do better…I have to be stronger. **For her.**_

“I love you,” he whispered.

Her ears twitched and she faced him again with a soft sleeping expression. He sucked in a breath as her tail brushed against him and he tried to gently swat it away. The moan that left her was music to his ears and he gave up trying to untangle himself from the Miqo’te. A smile formed across his lips as he filled that piece of information away for another time and draped his arm around her side.

Gods, he was really a fool in love.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to make myself cry and the people [here](https://discord.gg/KUhRWHw) just enable it. They're amazing. I promise.


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